Am I Supposed To Accept This As My Normal?

Today I was finally starting to feel like my life was getting back to normal. Sophia was very sick the last two weeks and had been throwing up for 7 days, about five times a day. We spent a night in the hospital and it turned out, after a lot of invasive tests, that she had a bowel obstruction that was causing things to go back up and instead of letting it go through.
After we got home from the hospital, her and I went to bed and slept the whole day. I woke up feeling nauseous and weak and ended up being sick as a dog and passing out if I stood too long. It just felt like it was never ending.
The next day, things seemed to be getting back to normal, she was keeping food down and passing it properly, I was keeping food down and attributed my illness to exhaustion; so the following day we were ready to have Seb come home. The next few days were crazy! Sophia was in a such a mood, and was starving. I couldn't feed her enough. I felt like I was going to go insane. Seb was hyper and needed his usual attention, showing me everything that came into his line of sight; and Sophia needed to be held continuously and didn't want to be alone for even a second. At night, she would cry and cry and cry and panic if I left her alone, meanwhile I was trying to resume our normal routine from before all the madness.
The last couple of days have finally started to feel pretty decent, other than at night; but of course, today Seb decided it was his turn to get sick. It couldn't be worse timing, because amidst all this crazy, I am trying to sell my house and have put off getting it on the market for almost two weeks now and tomorrow I have two showings and just can't cancel them.
I'm wondering if I should just start accepting that this will be my normal from here on in?
Here's the up side to all of this...
-The las two weeks were so intense on me and took everything out of me, that I have built up this thick skin and a "c'est la vie" attitude to it all.
-Dealing with a 3 year old who is vomiting is so much easier! When you say "Get sick in the toilet", he actually throws up in the toilet. (This will save me mountains of laundry and potential stains.)
-After said 3 year old vomits, he just wants to lie on the couch and watch a movie, unlike 20 month old baby who wants to scream and be held 24/7. (This gives me a moment to breathe.)
-I have figured out how to think logically through all of this and do only what works for me, so I emailed my real estate agent and told her we would be staying home tomorrow for both showings.
-And finally, I don't think much of anything will surprise me anymore at this point, so I guess...

BRING IT ON!

Another Chip Off The Stress Block

Good morning everyone.
It's been awhile since my last post. Turns out Soph was quite sick and required some emergency care, and I was exhausted and got sick as well. I'm not going to make today's blog about what was wrong, but I will tell you she's doing fine. She's still not completely herself, but is getting closer everyday.

 I know in my previous posts I've mentioned stress and sleep deprivation, and between that post and Soph getting sick last week, I've been thinking a lot about what I can do to regain some normalcy for the next 3 months until I have the second parental unit back with us. Although, I have to say the great idea did not come from me, but from my boyfriend.
I hired a babysitter. She's a girl that worked at the daycare with the kids, and they absolutely loved her. At first when the idea was brought up, I was imagining her coming for a couple hours in the day once a week, but when she offered, she brought up evenings alternating between Wednesdays and Fridays, and I was instantly filled with joy. Not sure why I hadn't thought of that?!
Nights have to be the loneliest time by far, and the most frustrating. Your kids go down, it's early, you don't really want to make a lot of noise, so you just sort of putter around hoping you'll get tired, only to go to bed alone with no one to talk to. How great will this be, to have one night where I can step out and grab a coffee, or go to the bookstore, meet up with friends, catch a movie, whatever... There's no guilt of asking a family member to go out of their way to come over, your kids get exposed to someone different once a week that still knows their routine and no one's working for free.
I really think this will make such a difference in my world. It'll give me something to look forward to, I'll totally cherish my time off and it will allow me to regroup so that I don't feel like I'm turning into an ogre. Between this, my guitar lessons and a few little social events I try to have from time to time, I think this will really help pass the time until I can resume a normal family life again.
A friend had commented on my Facebook page after my first blog saying:

"Single-parenting is the most unnatural thing on the planet."

I couldn't agree more! I just have to say again this morning, that I know I have it good, and even in this situation am still very fortunate in every way.
I would also like to say that my hat goes off to any soldier's wife, widow, and any other woman, or man for that matter, that is doing this on their own, and doesn't have an end date to look forward to; and to those who are still pulling a full-time job and doing this. I have the utmost respect for you! 

Time Well Spent

This past weekend was pretty crazy for me. Sophia came down with the stomach flu. I hardly slept Friday night and Sebastien was revved and ready to go first thing Saturday. When he woke me up in the morning, I wanted to die. I was so tired, I knew I wasn't going to make it through my day having just been up every half-hour with Soph. At that moment I was really grateful that their grandmother lives only two minutes away and is always willing to help. Between Sophia's bouts of illness, I managed to pack the kids up and trek them off to grandma's house. After an afternoon of help and a chance to nap on the couch with Soph, I packed her up and brought her home with me and Sebastien stayed "chez mamie's".
As most of you know, it's exhausting having a sick kid; but once I got home, it was so calm and so relaxing. Sophia, who I was certain until this weekend didn't believe in cuddling, snuggled right up and slept in my arms. It was so nice! We watched movies together, slept on the couch together, and just did NOTHING together. I felt awful for her and hated seeing her like that, but it was so nice to put everything else on hold, and not worry about whether or not the house was clean; or have my mind race with the 500 other things I wanted to do. I think it's the first time, it's just been her and I, other than when she was a newborn. There are times where I think about how nice it would be to spend the day with each kid separately. To really give them my full attention and spend the day doing something they love. It's unfortunate that Sophia and I's first real quality time together was when she was sick, but I can tell it changed our relationship. It brought us closer together, and it was clearly a big deal for her as much as it was for me.
I think sometimes we get too busy trying to multitask and handle everything that is coming our way, that we don't spend the kind of time with our kids that they expect us to. I've always been a firm believer in "The mess will still be there tomorrow" idea, but it doesn't always mean I follow it.
As tiring as it is to deal with a sick child, and as bad as I felt for Soph this past weekend, it forced me to slow down and enjoy her, and spoil her rotten with love and cuddles. I needed that as much as she did. It was a really good wake up call for me too, that even though there is a lot of pressure on me right now, it doesn't mean that I can't sit back and enjoy my kids. The only person putting pressure on myself is me. Which means I have the ability to control that pressure and how I deal with it. This may be the first of many answers in how I can deal with my stress. I also think that sometimes the only person stressing me out is me. Definitely gives me some food for thought.

What's The Absolute Worst Thing For Your Health???

Stress!

"A women under stress is not immediately concerned with finding solutions to her problems but rather seeks relief by expressing herself and being understood."
John Gray

Have you ever googled "Stress"? I think it's got as many hits as "Love". I can't say I'm a huge fan of this topic because it perplexes me so much that I thought I would do some research. Wikipedia baffled me in it's scientific explanation about stress, followed by it's information on Causes, Symptoms, Immune Responses, etc... There are websites that break it down into categories, and sub-categories; there are public forums, online courses, you name it. That sure says a lot about society. We are actively seeking out answers about stress, what causes it and how to eliminate it; and we are seeking the meaning of love. Personally, I understand love a whole lot more than stress. 

I think what gets me the most about stress is that mentally, I rarely feel stressed. I usually don't know I'm stressed until something in my body shuts down, causing me to be immobile and left with no other option than to wave my white flag, and call in reinforcements. This may be caused by the fact that I am stubborn, independent and prefer doing things on my own, or it may be caused by sheer stupidity - I've yet to rule it out. 

I do know, however, that stress scares me the way cancer, a heart-attack, or an aneurism scare me. It doesn't thrill me with curiosity like say... spontaneous combustion might. I know that stress causes inflammation in our bodies, and inflammation is the leading cause of illness; I know that even though up until 3 weeks ago, I didn't feel stressed, I was stressed. Which means.... I'm causing inflammation in my own body, and opening the door to a lot of potential negative health problems. This, I'm not ok with. 

Here's where I begin to feel perplexed... 

I am a young, healthy, individual, who works out regularly, eats an amazing diet, takes time to myself on a daily basis, attends yoga when possible, meditates, has purpose, love, support, and a positive outlook on life. Yet, I grind my teeth so hard I go through mouthguards, twist my masseter muscles (jaw muscles), have traps so tight you need a chisel to break through them, feel fatigued, and get headaches - and that's just on the surface! So what's happening inside of my body?!?! And why is stress affecting me so badly? I don't have to get up and go to work in the morning, granted I work around the clock 24/7 for two very busy, little people, who aren't totally set on the idea of sleeping through the night yet; but at least I'm not rushing from one place to the next, and trying to run a household, run a medical clinic, spend quality time with my kids, and pretend to have a life, all while their dad is living in the deep North - That's stressful. And yes, having two young children in your presence non-stop, and constantly having to be on point while they're awake to potentially save their lives or your home from being destroyed and trying to reason with what may as well be drunks, with ever-shifting hormones, that can't make up their minds, want something one minute, but not the next; that scream and chase eachother up and down the hallways, and climb, and babble and...and..and... ok... maybe it is stressful - but how do I cope with it so it doesn't get the best of me and I don't end up ill and brittle in my late 30's; and don't have some crazy, hysterical moment where I lash out, act like a psycho and potentially end up in a psych-ward at some hospital? 

I have it better than most, I live in a beautiful home, with two amazing kids, have the ability to clean, or... not. I can go to the gym, or... not. Really... this shouldn't be taking so much out of me. So is it lack of sleep that's causing stress to have the one up on my body? Other than one week where the kids went to Florida with their dad, I have not slept a full night since November 2008. Sleep deprivation has a whole gambit of problems attached to it as well. Am I perhaps mistaking stress for sleep deprivation? Is one causing the other? Is this genetic? Which end is up? 

Thoughts anyone?
What do you do to eliminate stress in your day to day?

Writing Things Down Is The Best Remedy

As most of you know, I've done this blogging thing before. I write for a few months, then life gets busy and I stop. It's pretty typical of my life. However, back in November I left my job and pulled the kids out of daycare to stay home with them because their dad took a job in the arctic and I wanted to be sure I could be emotionally and physically available 24/7 through the big change of no longer having their dad around. I knew from the beginning that I was so lucky to even have the opportunity to be able to do this, seeing as the majority of moms out there that lose the support of their spouses (for whatever reason), have to maintain working a full-time job, caring for their children and pretending to have a life of their own. Some are lucky enough to have family close by, others are forced to go it alone. Any mom knows that raising a child is by far the hardest job on the face of the planet; but whether you're getting a lot of help or little, to what seems like no help from your spouse, I hope you don't take it for granted. (I know I sure did).
The purpose of this blog, is more of a therapeutic practice for myself. I find when you write things down, it's the best way to cleanse your mind, free your soul, and have a real, clear overview of what is really going on in your head and in your life. I'm hoping that while I do a little work on myself, maybe something I write will help put something into perspective for anyone who decides to read this, or just help you realize that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
I'm also hoping that in doing this, I will be able to follow-through with this for more than just a few months. This, right now, is just the beginning of my adventure, because as of summer, I will be writing these posts from the arctic.
Today, my brain is fuzz - a cluttered mess of stress and confusion, a back-log of thoughts piling on top of other thoughts, and I'm hoping that in a month or two, my mind will be clear and focused, and I will feel like I have a handle on who I am and who I'm trying to become.
And please, if any of you decide to follow this and you notice that I'm slacking on my posts, give me a swift, electronic kick in the pants.
This blog won't just be about being a mom - it will be about "me" as whole. Self-identity, struggles, hopes, dreams, future-plans, lessons I'm learning, specific topics on health, food, anything!... It will be my thoughts written down.
So tomorrow's topic: STRESS! What is does to us, what it's doing to me, ideas of how to cope with it and hopefully some feedback on how all of you deal with it.
So until tomorrow.... Goodnight.